Funniest & Best Fantasy Baseball Team Names 2016

We welcome you with one hand extended to gesture, and another to grab your junk…. Photo Credit: Doug Kline

Let’s face it, really hilarious fantasy baseball team names are difficult to come up with. So rather than waste precious time trying to come up with names yourself, why not let ole’ Kid Clutch do it for you? Below are the best fantasy baseball team names for the 2016 season. They are also the funniest fantasy baseball team names for the 2015 season. How do I know they’re the best and the funniest? Simple, because the phrases “best fantasy baseball team names” and “funniest fantasy baseball team names” generate a shit-ton of hits on search engines. That may not have answered the question, but it didn’t need to. You’re here now.

These team names are 100% original and did not come from any other sources. There are no lazy team names or corny-ass puns chilling on this list. We don’t believe in filling up on mediocre names just to flesh it out. Nope. Just pure, unadulterated genius. We are welcome to any suggestions from readers. Be warned though: only the best reader recommendations will grace this list (with credit included).

Get a condom on that brain of yours, because you’re about to get mind-fucked… in a positive, non-rapey way of course.

More after the jump:

Player-Based Team Names
All Mookie Betts R Off
All You Can Eat Salazar
Artificial In-Semien-ation
As Yasmany As It Takes
The Ben Zobriety Test
Bitches & Dae-Hos
The Callaspo Lungs
Calm Down, I Gattis
Can’t Keep a Blackmon Down
The Citizen Kangs
The Constant Gardner
We Dalton Pom-paid
The Danny Duff-men
Dee Gordon’s Nuts
Desmonds Are Forever
Didi Belongs in AA
Divide and Conger
The Dollar Maybins
Duda Math
Fatherless Bastardos
Fire & Lewis Brinson
Gay Prado Parade
Get Off My Joc Pederson
Go in, Wei-Yin
Goldschmidt in Dem Hills
The Great Brittons
The Hellickson Angels
Having a Grandal Time
Hyun-soo Horny
I Got A Reddick From Her
Jedd Hot American Summer
Just Lance Lynn Baby
The Kevin Pillars of Truth
Kith and Kinsler
The Kolten 45s
Kristopher Negron? Please
Longoria’s Bastards
The Lucroy Response
Marcus Stroman Tactics
The Matt Garza Strip
Mauer Patch Kids
The Melk Carton Kids
Me Lose? Yadier Mind
Never Beg For Headley
Never Bogaerts Da Blunt
The Newborn Infantes
Niese Guys Finish Last
The Os-Kiermaier Weiners
The Pagan Angels
Pajama Jeans Segura
The Pedroia-philes
Pence Up Aggression
Pham And Fortune
Pimping Polanc-hos
Plouffe The Magic Dragon
Pockets Full of Lind
Profar, So Good
Rajai Against Da Machine
The Roast Beef Andrus
Run A Carlos Beltrain on ‘Em
Da Scooter Gonna Gennets
The Smell of Fiers
Smoking Dat CJ Cronic
Sporting Hammel-toe
Stacking Pineda Bread
Straight Cashner Homie
Sweet (Bruce) Chen Music
The Swihart Deals
The Tony Sipp-y Cups
Trevor Bauer Movements
U Ain’t Got No Alibi, U Utley
Ur Mom Got a Kluber Foot
The Votto Tickets
Wham, Kang, Thank U M’aam
What’s Good for the Gose
Whoa (Dylan) Bundy!
The Yelich Wolves
You Medlen Kids
Yunel Before Ur God

Sexual Team Names
The Backdoor Sliders
Can’t Bang Her? Dickherson
Eating Ur Mom’s Moustakas
Eaton Mad Pussy
The Emilio Boned-Her-Face-ios
Fister Good Night
The Gap Hitters
German Scherzer Videos
Gyorko-ing Off
The Jesse Hahn Jobs
Pablo’s Sandy Balls
Polish My Mar-cock-is
Popping Ur Mom’s Mitt
Stick It In Her Buchholz
Suck My Foul Pole
Toe Ur Mom’s Rubber
Ur Mom Makes Hard Contact
Ur Mom=Madison Cumgarner
Yanking Long Relievers

Advanced Stat Team Names
The Cool WHIPs
Hawking LOOGYs
ISO Horny
It’s Like wOBA
Traveling @ VORP Speed
UZR Friendly
WAR Children